You know all that nice apple green rye grass that people put out this time of year? It makes your balls shrink. It’s all around the gates and entries to the Augusta National now and in banks’ lawns, golf courses and roadways. The grass itself isn’t a problem. But a chemical used on it might impact your chances of having fun in bed, having a grandchild or breast cancer.
Rye grass causes a little problem in the spring. When the regular grass starts to grow again, that rye isn’t yet ready to die. So landscapers spray the rye with the most common agricultural chemical — Atrazine — same thing that’s used on corn all around this country. That kills the rye and lets the real grass grow.
How does it effect you, the shopper, golfer, grandparent? Well, it makes testicles shrink. So anyone who has any interest in those, need to read up on some really serious, new science. If your husband comes home smelling a little funny, don’t let him tell you he just brushed up against somebody in the John Deere landscapers store. Guys tend to down play pesticide issues — they’re professionals, trained to work safely and dismiss long term effects. Make damn sure if he’s has to work with it, that he’s taking all precautions. I hope someone out there is translating this for the most impacted guys, the Hispanic fellas.
A fresh green lawn in winter is not, ever, morally or ethically or in any way, worth shrinking balls. Lawns are supposed to be brown the winter. And don’t think yourselves free of the problem ladies, it also cause induced abortions and all sorts of reproductive issues.
In people other mammals and amphibians.
Atrazine is so common that it’s in our water and food too. It’s in us.
You can take action, write a quick email to Steve Bradbury, at the EPA Bradbury.steven@Epa.gov — tell them to ban Atrazine and that we thank goodness we still have the EPA.